"I don't know how to say this, I don't know where to start, I don't know where to put my feet or where to put my hands..."
These lyrics by Sara Groves describe how I feel right now.
Have you ever felt like life comes up behind you and stabs you in the back, when you feel like you're trying so hard and it avails to nothing, when you know that your focus should be on the Lord, but instead it's on other insignificant, unimportant, and discouraging topics. I know that God is always with me and will never forsake me, but I feel as though all my efforts aren't amounting to anything, as though in all my trying...I fail miserably. I don't know...I guess I've been trying to run my own life, instead of trusting in God. I have to realize that "what I know, trumps what I feel", but sometimes it seems like I'm drowning in feelings that I can't get away from and then I remember this verse. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13) I know that it's true, but at times it's so hard to grasp. I know that God puts us through trials to instill perserverance and trust in Him, but sometimes what I feel drowns out that knowledge. A lot of times the circumstances that God puts in my life seem so hard that I don't think I can do anything else but cry, but I know that God will bring me through it. Well, as I was writing this blog, I thought of my favorite Crowder song called 'All I Can Say'. This song has encouraged me so much in the past.
All I Can Say
Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in,
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while
Chorus:And this is all, this is all that I can say right now,
I know it's not much
And this is all that I can give
That's my everything
And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down
Bridge:I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were crying too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet
God's mercies are new every morning and what an awesome blessing that truly is. I don't know how I lived without Christ, without hope, without peace. But, now I know, that it is better to carry His burden, which is light, then to carry the heavy burden of my sin that kept me in bondage. So, even though I feel engulfed by my unfocused mind...what I know, trumps what I feel.
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4 comments:
Hey Amy,
As an encouragement, I actually got on your blog tonight so I could review the post called "The dangerous duty of delight." I wanted to re-read that entry because I know I needed to preach it to myself yet again. For I am in a very similar place that you were when you wrote this post. I am trying to choose joy, but it is to no avail. I think it is because I have not been meditating on the Word day and night. Wow, I too am so quick to forget the amazing blessings of Jesus. I am reminded by a song that you made up for Colossians, "So then just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthend in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness." The overflowing with thank-ful-ness is what keeps playing back in my mind. I want to be this way! I will pray for you girl, please pray also for me that God would restore to me that complete thankfulness that all Christians should constantly contain. In Christ, BK
P.S. Thanks for helping me learn some humility in fooseball the other night.
Amy,
Oh girly how difficult life can seem at times. Just remember what we feel is not usually our reality. Oh, and there are people older (and sometimes wiser) who can help you run the race with encouragement. When does the mind and heart align? It can be difficult for our head knowlege to be our reality at all times. I am thankful for you and for how much I know you love the Lord. I love to watch you girls love Him. Your an encouragement and I love your sweet spirit. God will carry you...even when you feel alone...even when you feel defeat. I love you and just know you have the body to encourage you, and to help you on your journey. Besides, if things never travel up all the time. Sometimes we get to grow, and to think through things. Keep seeking Him!
This is such a great post Amy. I mean it. It sounds like you're going through a lot of similiar trials i've faced the past few weeks.
I love how you continually reminded yourself of the importance of what we know versus how we feel.
Oh, and i'm so glad that quoted one of (the lesser known) Crowder songs. I love how he discovers God's loving presence during such a dark and weary time: "I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were crying too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet"
How heartwarming it is to know that God IS there. and that He will never leave or forsake us, no matter how many times we forsake him and lose sight of the cross. Hang in there, sister, we have a hope that does not dissapoint.
I actually haven't heard that song! It sounds amazing!
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